Week 17 Time Changes

In an effort to enhance viewership or to fuck the Patriots in every conceivable way, I haven't decided which, the NFL has restructured the Week 17 schedule affecting more than a handful of games.

First, the changes -

NBC has exercised flex authority over the Broncos/Chargers game.
The NFL has moved the following games to 4:15 - the Dolphins/Jets, Jaguars/Ravens and Cowboys/Eagles

Now the implications -

The Jets need a win of their own plus a Pats loss to win the AFC east. By the time their game kicks off, they will know whether they are playing for pride or a division title. This bothers me a little because I feel they will lose some of their drive and motivation if they know they will be helping their arch rivals in the process. This is not to say they will rollover or give up but even NFL players are human and there is a subconscious element in play.

The one good thing if you are a Pats fan is that the NFL moved the Ravens game too. So even with a Pats win, the Jets still have a small chance to sneak in should they win and the Ravens lose. There will be a lot of scoreboard watching at the Meadowlands and if the Jags keep their game close, expect the Jets to throw everything they have at the Fins.

I like the Sunday night move. This game could top last nights in terms of intensity and theater. It also proves why the flex option is so valuable to NBC. Instead of watching a bullshit game involving the Packers and the Bears, we get a real game with real implications (I know the Bears can clinch tonight but frankly, who outside of Illinois or Minnesota gives a fuck?). The Chargers and the Broncos hate each other. There is real animosity between the programs and the action should be nothing short of compelling. Plus, both have shaky defenses prone to letting up big points. The over/under could be 70.

Week 11: What You'll Be Watching

No More Bye Weeks. Thank. Fucking. God.

For the next seven weeks we will have a full schedule including the always entertaining Thursday night affairs. No more blowing fantasy weeks because you forgot Clinton Portis had a bye (although he currently has a sandy vagina so don't forget to pull him this week either) and no more fretting over who to drop so you can pick up a second defense to spell you during Chicago's bye.

Football almost becomes a seven night a week ordeal from now through Christmas. There is always some shitty college action on Tuesday and Wednesday, you get NFL Thursday, Sunday and Monday plus the big time college games Friday and Saturday. It couldn't come at a better time either. The weather starts to suck, baseball is month's away and basketball doesn't get exciting until January. Not to mention the 10 months worth of gambling debts that have piled up. Now you get two full months of nightly football to win it all back.

One O'Clock Games:

CBS will take us from the early game right through Football Night in America. Fox has the solo coverage but there is really no marquee game. Buck and Aikman will be calling the Bears @ Green Bay but no more than 25% of the country will be picking up. The other notable thing about Fox' coverage is that every other game is GOD AWFUL. Anybody @ Cincy, Minny/Tampa Bay, NO/KC, Arizona/Seatle, St Louis/San Fran, Cancer/Aids, etc etc... The only interests anyone could possibly have here is gambling or fantasy and even then you sure as shit don't want to be stuck actually watching the game. So thank you Fox for giving us the least shitty game possible. Job well done.

CBS early gives us the Ravens/Giants. I love how New England always picks up the Giants games because they used to be the local team. The logic makes no sense to anybody under the age of 65. Still not a bad game to be stuck with. The other half of the country will get Denver/Atlanta. Over/Under on that one? 120.

Four O'Clock Games:

CBS sends it A-Team to Pittsburgh where they will host the struggling Chargers. You think LT can get more than 30 all purpose yards today? Questionable. Pittsburgh is so boring to watch. I could not be less excited about this game. The dirty South wins out in this slot with Tennessee and Jacksonville. How many Titan games will the average NFL fan watch prior to week 17 when they attempt to go undefeated? 1? 2? The best kept secret in the NFL.

Week 10: What You'll Be Watching

Plenty of relevant, interesting games so let's get right to it.

1 O'Clock Games:

Two great ones on CBS. The vast spoils of America will see undefeated Tennessee try to stay perfect against Chicago. If this were week 4 or 5 I would be plenty pissed about missing it but since the Pats are finally playing some interesting football, its not the end of the world. Buffalo is coming to town and so northeast corridor will see a shootout for the AFC East lead.

One of the dumbest rules in a league full of them is the blackout rule in home markets. If your team is playing and they sell out the game, every other game is blocked out. Now there are some decent 1 O'clock games that Fox could show us, namely Green Bay @ Minnesota but instead we get the 4 O'clock suckfest between Carolina and the Raiders. Reason number 867 why Roger Goodell can get fucked.

4 O'Clock Games:

In addition to the aforementioned Raiders/Panthers tilt, we also get Indy @ Pittsburgh. Two miserable teams I cannot wish enough misfortune on facing off. The only way anyone wins here is if a blimp crashes into the stadium immediately after kickoff. That would be fun.

Sunday night features the game of the week and hopefully the game of the season. A Philly win would really liven things up in the NFC East.

Week 8: What You'll Be Watching

Is it really week 8 already? Fuck Me.

It seems like only a week ago that Bernard Pollard was snapping QB ligaments like they were uncooked green beans. Hard to imagine 6 full weeks since then. I guess it's been a pretty solid 7 weeks of game action thus far. Lots of surprises, plenty of disappointments. The playoffs should look nothing like anybody expected coming into the season.

There is one concerning fact as we look forward to the next 9 weeks and that is the rash of suspensions that are about to be handed down. Fucking Goodell, what a dickface that guy is. The average fan doesn't care about weed smoking Steelers, stripper bashing Cowboys or juiced up Saints. We just don't. Stop diluting the talent.

1 O'Clock Games:

There is a great 1 O'clock game this week perhaps you heard, live from London. The East Coast is blacked out. That makes a whole shit ton of sense. Instead we get the Rams and the Pats. Thank heavens. There are really no other games worth noting in this time slot.

4 O'Clock Games:

Good late action with the Giants visiting Pittsburgh. You know, unless you live in the Pacific Northwest in which case you will see Seatle at San Fran. Bet you never thought the Niners would be laying 5+ against...anybody. As a consolation for porking us on the London game, CBS will be showing the Browns vs. Jax. Sweet.

No Sunday Night Football this week. Another reason the NFL can get fucked. Notice a common trend throughout here?

Week 7: What You'll Be Watching

You know what is great about the NFL that no other sport can claim? The variability in what is watchable and what is not changes week to week and sometimes even day to day. Going into the season, every single Pats game was appointment viewing. Now? I would rather watch the Chiefs play the Raiders than any game involving Matt Cassell. Or, how about the Fins? Three weeks ago, they couldn't pull a 3 share in their own market. Now, maybe the most entertaining offense in all of football.

I was reminded of this when I saw the TV schedule for the Week 7 games. Sometimes the networks get lucky and we all win. Most times, they guess wrong and we get bent over. This week has a little of both.

1 O'Clock Games:

CBS has the doubleheader this week. In the early start, they are rolling out the Chargers/Bills game to 60% of the country. Easy pick right? San Diego was supposed to be a Super Bowl favorite. I bet they never thought the Bills would enter this game with the better record. Highly watchable game, I'm excited. Pittsburg/Cincy is the next biggest 1 PM game on CBS. Paint drying is a more exciting option. Miami is hosting Baltimore which will be seen by absolutely nobody outside of Miami and DC. A shame really, this is a rather entertaining game.

Fox has the early slot where most of us will see the Gints/Niners. Not a bad option and will keep the remote hot going back and forth. I am fairly confident in saying there are no other attractive options on the Fox this week. Unless you count the Lions and Texans.

4 O'Clock Games:

Most of the country will get the Colts/Packers game. However, for the first time in who the fuck knows how long, the TV execs are not shoving Peyton and the hapless Colts down our throats in New England. How sad. What's that? We get Brett Favre and the Raiders instead? Fuck. Me.

Enjoy the games.

Week 4: What You'll Be Watching

It is so hard to get into watching football until November. September and October are chock full of warm, summer-like weekends and sitting inside for 6 hours of football (more if you throw in some college) really makes you feel like a first class jerkoff. Sometimes I pray for rain if the weekend match ups look good. This is not one of those weekends. Bring on the sun.

1 O'Clock Games:

Indy/Houston. That's the game the geniuses at CBS slated for the Northeast. Thanks guys. I mean why would I want to watch Tennessee visiting the Ravens? It's not like you have a potential Super Bowl team there. The West Coast and Florida will get the Chargers/Fins. Not a bad game, that would be my second pick.

Fox has the early game for large parts the country as well. Why do network execs insist on showing Eli and Peyton at the same time? That really pisses the shit out of me. In spite of this, I do enjoy the Giants so if I was going to be inside watching games, I would probably settle on the Giants/Seahawks.

4 O'Clock Games:

95% of the country will be able to enjoy the Bengals @ Dallas. A battle of the batshit crazy receivers. Not us though, 49er's/Pats coming our way. The Pats are leaving California 2-3, mark it down. Buffalo has been one of the most exciting teams thus far this year. Last time I checked, they are still undefeated. Want to watch them? Move to Buffalo or buy the ticket. CBS has routinely fucked them all season, giving them the smallest distribution possible.

Week 4: What You'll Be Watching

You know what sucks? Bye weeks. Week 4 starts the bye week rotation and from now through week 10, at least 4 teams will be missing from action each week. Bye weeks fuck up everything. Fantasy, gambling, TV schedules, you name it. This week blows especially hard as 6 teams will be MIA. In addition to eliminating all preseason play, let's get rid of bye weeks. And helmets.

1 O'Clock Games:

Most of the country will get the early CBS match-ups including Denver @ KC, Houston @ Jax or Cleveland @ Cinci. New England, along with the bulk of the nation will see the Denver game which should be a lopsided blow out. If that's your thing. The other two games are pretty shitty so no skin off my balls there.

As if we haven't had enough Brett Favre rammed down our throats, Fox is carrying the Cards/Jets game to a small portion of the country. Lucky Boston. Everybody else will get the battle of the Bays while we're stuck listening to yet another announcing team felatiate Favre (it will be Dick Stockton, Brian Baldinger and Brian Billick in case you're wondering). Sure is nice to see Billick finding work after the Raven years.

4 O'Clock Game:

No pluralization necessary. There is only one 4 O'clock job worth watching. Washington @ Dallas brought to your living room compliments of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. The Skins are questionable at best and Dallas should win going away but it is a fascinating rivalry nevertheless.

I guess if you live on the West Coast or Buffalo you could watch the San Diego/Oakland matchup or the Buffalo/St Louis. Maybe if it was San Diego playing Buffalo I'd be interested. As is, no thanks.

Week 3: What You'll Be Watching

Once again, CBS gets the double-ender...I mean header...doubleheader.

1 O'Clock Games:

The Boston market is getting the worst game of the week. Dolphins @ Pats will be seen by the smallest percentage of the country in what has to be a first for New England since 2002. Ian Eagle and Soloman Wilcots will be calling the action. That's right, your New England Patriots are getting the worst announcing team CBS has to offer. How the mighty have fallen.

Most of the country will see the Bengals take on the Giants. If only we could be so lucky. Some of the country will get the Fox early game, namely Minnesota, Carolina, Florida and Chicago.

4 O'Clock Games:

The Joe Buck/Troy Aikman show will be in the Mile High City this week where New Orleans is visiting the Broncos. Over/under on the number of times we get to see the Cutler fumble/incomplete pass? 27, and I'm taking the over. I'm kind of happy about this, I like when Fox shows the late game. There is nothing like two games at once feeding into the Sunday night game. Really caps the weekend off, plus I'm usually way more hammered at 4 than I am at 1. Watching football sober blows.

As for the CBS late game? Fuck you CBS. 75% of the country will be watching the battle of Pennsylvania. Not Boston. No, instead we get Jacksonville @ Indy. Forgive me for not giving a fuck but really I'm sick of the Colts. They bore me and I don't give a shit about their injuries. Same can be said for the Jags. Outside of Matt Jones blow references what is there really to talk about?

New Friday Feature: What You'll Be Watching

Could have used this last week you say? Blow me, I had better things to do. For the next 16 weeks, you can expect this around 3:00 PM on Fridays.

Week 2 Slate - CBS gets the double up.

1 O'Clock Games:

Most of the country will be treated to Indy @ Minnesota. Indy's currently a 2.5 point favorite. 2 years removed from a Super Bowl and they are barely favored against a team led by Tavaris Jackson. Are you shitting me? Gumbal and Deirdorf got the call. If you are on the West Coast, boy are you in for a treat. Oak @ KC. What a suckfest.

Fox will be showing the early game for most locales. I think it is safe to say there is not one good NFC game on Sunday with the exception of Chicago @ Carolina. So if you live in the Southwest, good news for you. The Northeast pulls the Joe Buck/Troy Aikman special with the NY Giants @ St Louis. Could be worse I guess.

4 O'Clock Games:

Pretty even split here with half the country getting the Pats/Jets and the other half San Diego/Denver. Not sure which one I would rather here, both are intriguing to say the least. Nantz and Simms will be working the Pats (there's a shocker) while Enberg and Randy Cross will be out in Denver. How many no so subtle jabs will Simms take at Cassell following the Pats thanks but no thanks treatment of Phil's son? If you live in Southern Florida or Arizona have fun with the Fins/Cardinals.