Lacrosse Breeds Awful White Kids

Well with all this nonsense about the Men's Lacrosse player killing the poor girl lacrosse player in Virginia, you have to think why is it always Lacrosse? First we had the whole Duke Lacrosse rape scandal, now this murder, and even in college I got in a fight with some d-bag URI lacrosse payers, so where do they get this sense of entitlement?

Is it because no one takes lacrosse seriously as a sport (because it's not), and because it's all the stupid rich kids who couldn't quite make the football or hockey teams? I don't care how physical lacrosse is, it's a pussy sport and would rather gouge my eyes out than watch a full game.

Basically lacrosse breeds athletic but not talented rich kids who think they can do anything they want because they play a fake d-1 sport, and are pissed because no one respects it.

I don't know if any of this makes sense and I don't care, lacrosse sucks and it's early.

Lacrosse Fight?

I Hate Lacrosse

All this weekend, Gillette Stadium has hosted the NCAA Lacrosse Championships. And with apologies to DP's woman, I must declare that lacrosse is a shit sport. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm not saying it isn't fun to play, but I am saying that it sucks more than Jenna Jameson on ecstasy.

Why?

Here's why:

1. Someone once told me lacrosse was like a mix between soccer and hockey. I like soccer and I like hockey. I also like A-1 sauce and I like ice cream. That doesn't mean I want to combine them.

2. lax is short for lacrosse, and it's also short for laxative.



3. Lacrosse is hugely popular in Syracuse and Central New York, and as someone who lived in CNY, I can tell you that Central New York is shit.

4. The only people who like it are people who play it.

5. What the fuck is an attackman? Can't you say "Attacker?"

6. The faceoffs are gay, jump balls would be cooler, or maybe start play XFL style.



7. What kind of uniform involves a masked helmet AND shorts with NO leg padding?

8. Why does the goalie get a tennis racket?

9. The visor over the facemask of a lacrosse helmet is lame. Wear a shaded visor like Ricky Williams INSIDE the helmet.

10. The ball is essentially an oversized bouncy ball

11. The field looks like an enlarged tennis court

12. Duke blows

13. Syracuse sucks

-The Commodore