Andre Agassi/ Tennis Is A Lot Cooler

Andre Agassi makes the sensational confession today that he lied to the tennis authorities to escape a ban for taking hard drugs.

The American, one of the finest players to grace the game, tested positive for the highly addictive drug, crystal methamphetamine, and then duped the Association of Tennis Professionals into believing he had taken it by accident.

The admissions come in a soul-searching autobiography that is being serialised exclusively today and tomorrow in The Times.More

Wow, this is pretty wild. Andre Agassi was one of the best American tennis players to ever live and now we find out he was addicted to crystal meth. Pretty awesome stuff, it is about time we have some controversy in the sport. I haven't had the pleasure of trying crystal meth, but everything I have read about it is pretty ridiculous. It's probably no one should really dabble in. Either way, America, Fuck Yea.

Maybe A Little Too Much Effort

Federer Wins 15th Title

Not a big tennis fan, but I have to admit I sat down and watched the Roddick vs. Federer match yesterday. I was real lucky, since it was probably the greatest tennis match of all time. It took 77 games in 4 hours 16 minutes for Federer finally to put away Roddick. I was pulling for Roddick the whole time. He has an amazing serve that he hits anywhere from 133-143 MPH, which is just fucking silly. In the end Roddick just could play any defense, and really just held on with his amazing serve. Federer now is the winningest tennis player of all time. Props for that and props to Reddick for putting on a great show...

Please Don't

I've heard this being mentioned on WEEI's Dennis and Callahan a few times. 17 year old Romanian tennis player Simona Halep is getting her 34DD boobs reduced in size, to better help her tennis career. Simona won the 2008 Junior French Open.



Part of me is thinking, "Wow, what a competitor." And part of me thinks it's great that she doesn't measure herself by the size of her tits.

But most of me is sad. Probably since I don't care about tennis. But I'd watch if one of the players had a 34DD rack. And before anyone calls me sexist, I can point to literally millions of women who watch male sports simply because they think the players are cute.

If these sweater cows are perky and not saggy, then removing them is a fucking tragedy.



When she does get rid of them, I think men everywhere (and some women too) who don't care about tennis but do care about boobs, should observe 34 seconds of silence.



-The Commodore

A Good Tennis Joke

Two men are playing tennis, one man falls and hits his elbow and decides to go to the doctors, the other man says "Don't waste any money on the doctors, just go inside the store at the corner down the street, put $10 in the machine in the corner, piss in the cup, let it do its thing and a slip of paper will come out that tells you what you have".

So he goes to the store puts ten dollars in the machine, pisses in the cup and out comes a piece of paper it says "You have tennis elbow take this ointment cream and apply it on your elbow 3-4 times a daily".

So goes home wondering how it know what was wrong, and wanted to see if this machine is a real miracle worker, so he goes home and gets his sisters piss, brothers piss, dogs piss, and jacks-off in the cup goes back to the store, puts ten dollars in the machine and places the cup in the machine.

The paper comes out and says "Your sister has gonorrhea, your brother is gay, your dog has worms, and if you keep jacking-off like that you'll never lose that tennis elbow.

Serena Williams Has a Big Butt And I Cannot Lie

Nadal Continues Epic Dominance over Federer

Count me as one of those who gave Rafa no chance in the Aussie Open finals. Roger was coming in well rested while Nadal was just two days off a 5+ hour semifinal win in grueling 100 degree temperatures. Then factor in Roger's dominance on the hard courts and it just seemed like it was his time to return to the top of the Tennis world.

This was not the case and anybody who slept in and missed this match missed one of the greatest ever played. Not quite 5 hours (this one lasted only 4 hours and 23 mins) Rafa outlasted the former number 1 winning the Australian Open title 7-5, 3-6, 7-6 (3), 3-6, 6-2. Do yourself a favor and try to watch the replay at 3:30 on ESPN 2.

This rivalry is quickly proving to be one of the best in sports history. It has already surpassed Agassi/Sampras and is quietly taking its place next to the Sox/Yanks, UNC/Duke and Michigan/OSU. Best of all, it is making tennis relevant again. Anytime you can put these two on the same court you know the battle will be intense. You know you won't be watching a straight set anything and you better clear you schedule for a few hours.