In Regards To The Captain Being Dumb

Every time I turn my back, the haters come out to say hi. And as I was relaxing on a little vacation I go on Dueling Couches to see that the Captain and his miserable self decided to pull a chicken shit move and attack when I couldn't respond. So let me go point by point to shut the Captain up.

1. Hockey is better than basketball. The game is better. The players are more athletic. (Captain)

This is just another case of the Captains inferior complex to basketball, the Celtics, basketball fans. I understand how someone could believe Hockey is better and that's fine, but calling it a "better" sport is ridiculous. The reason why Hockey isn't a better sport is because only probably 25-30% of America can afford to play it. You need to buy skates, ice time, pads, helmets, etc. Hockey is a small step above lacrosse, it's all rich kids who couldn't compete in the more reasonable people sports or Canadians.

Also, Hockey is a snoozefest, call me when there isn't a 3-2 or a 1-0 game. Playing keep away for 3 periods sucks. Way to go, you try to score passed someone who takes up 70% of the net.

As for the "athlete" argument, Basketball players play for more than minute, fifteen shifts. If you took the average player from each sport and had them compete in athletic events like run, jump, lift a basketball player would win 9 out of 10 times.

2. Daisuke sucks. His 18 win season was luck. He's never been a true member of the Red Sox, he only cares about what's good for him and not what's good for the team. He's been allowed to do his own thing, and his career has been plagued by injuries because of that. There's no such thing as a gyroball. (Captain)

18 wins and a under 3 era playing in the AL East isn't luck. Having a career record of +20 wins isn't lucky. Winning a World Series game isn't lucky. When the Sox started fucking around with his own routine, that's when he started getting injured. As for the gyroball, you might be right.

3. The Perkins trade was a mistake.(Captain)

So knowing both results from each team, how could one say this. Perkins pretty much cost the Thunder from advancing in the playoffs with his lack of scoring. The Celtics weren't going to advance passed the Heat with a unhealthy Rondo if Perkins was or wasn't on the team. And looking at it now, we at least have Jeff Green and the Clippers 2012 1st draft pick, if we had Perkins we would have had none of that, including Kendrick.

4. Ben Roethlisberger is a rapist. He got away with rape because of a misogynist cop who had befriended Ben earlier in the night, and because he surrounded himself with off-duty cops from PA. He wasn't an idiot to go to that bar, because he was smart enough to protect himself.

Oh, and Tom Brady is much better than Roethlisberger. (Captain)

For someone who pulls the "DP obviously nows more than the Patriots and Bill Belichick" everytime the Patriots do something boneheaded, he does an awful lot of assuming when it comes to Ben. The Captain wasn't there that night, I wasn't, and no one reading this site was, So all you can really do is base the final verdict or a lack of one. Ben never got charged, thus he didn't do anything wrong. And As for saying Brady is much better than Ben, Ben can win playoff games, Brady just works on his salsa lessons from his husband Gisele.

5. College football players shouldn't get paid. USC and Ohio State are SCHOOLS. Athletes get plenty of benefits when they attend these schools. Paying people to attend one's college is wrong.(Captain)

This argument is going to take long, but obviously the Captain likes fucking 18-21 year old kids who make the schools millions of dollars.

6. Barry Bonds is a cheat, a liar, a clubhouse cancer, and a scumbag. He hates Boston, he hates baseball fans. Any Boston fan that likes him is misguided. (captain)

Again, he goes with the assumption arguement when it comes to people he doesn't like. There is no actual evidence against Bonds other than mere speculation. He was the greatest baseball player in the modern era and should be treated like that. And I don't think scumbags pay for college for injured fans children, so how about you revisit your accusations.

7. Rex Ryan is an overrated, walking (waddling) reality TV show who likes sniffing feet and putting videos of his wife on the internet for everyone to see. And any Boston fan who likes a team from New Jersey, even if they hate the local football team, is a traitor.(Captain)

Speaking from someone who feels the need to put down the Celtics/ Celtics fans at any drop of the hat. I hate the Patriots and Rex Ryan can win some games. He backs up his talk and going to 2 conference finals in your 1st 2 years of coaching with a mediocre qb is pretty damned impressive. He doesn't need to win pretty, or run the score up during the regular season, he just wins when it counts. Something they haven't been able to say in New England for the past couple of years.

Oh yea, I forgot:
Hideo Nomo is not the Japanese Jackie Robinson.

If that's the case, explain this:

and Boom goes the dynamite