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Showing posts with label Funny letter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny letter. Show all posts

Thursday, October 22, 2009

ESPN's Steve Phillips Takes Break After Affair


"ESPN baseball analyst Steve Phillips acknowledges having an affair with an assistant at the cable network, and has taken a leave of absence during the playoffs. Phillips says in a statement released by ESPN Wednesday that he's sorry to have "put his family and colleagues through this." ESPN has granted Phillips' request for time off, and has taken unspecified disciplinary action. Police say 22-year-old ESPN production assistant Brooke Hundley called Phillips' wife in August after he broke off the affair and sent her a letter graphically describing their relationship. Phillips says he will not press charges. The status of the police investigation was unclear Wednesday. ESPN says Hundley is still working for the network (FoxNews)."

I like Steve Phillips a lot, and I really couldn't care less that he was slamming some 22 year old production assistant. It sounds like she really had no reason to bring Phillips wife into this, other then to ruin him. In the end, you shouldn't cheat on your wife, but I watch ESPN for entertainment, not morals.

Phillips you'll be missed.


If you want to read the letter CLICK HERE


And here is a pic of her...

Friday, February 6, 2009

Hot Date


This was posted on Craig's List...

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

* Location: NE Portland
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1007823954

Friday, January 16, 2009

Always Check Your Child's Homework


(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)

Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.

From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith


-BMack

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Awesome Breakup Letter

Kind of long, but worth it...

So my friend goes to University of ####### and he received these messages from his
friend who was cheated on by his girlfriend. The first message is her
apology, the second is his response. Enjoy.

Tom,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way.


There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won’t even
try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
what I can’t handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn’t crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed.


I don’t know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn’t.
I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can’t imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn’t reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.

- Sarah
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under ‘L’ for
‘Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn’t care less about’.
You did a stupid thing huh?


No…doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is ‘a stupid
thing’; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is ‘a stupid thing’;
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
wondering if you’re taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
that morning isn’t as much a ‘Stupid thing’ as it is grounds for
permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I’m not sure if

it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public
toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think
that by saying ‘Well, I didn’t Fuck him’ somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn’t care less if the world ‘looked funny’ to you
yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I’m sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else’s feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don’t think
you’re a terrible person, they just think you’re the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.

Talk to you never,
Tom

Thanks to Steve Ryan for the heads up.

-BMack