I hate Cinco de Mayo. And I don't mean to say that I hate Mexicans or holidays of another culture. I hate how Cinco de Mayo is celebrated in the United States as a feeble excuse to get drunk.
If you want to be an alcoholic and get drunk on a Monday for no goddamned reason, be a man, and go out and do it. You don't need St. Patrick's Day, or Cinco de Mayo, or Memorial Day, or the 4th of July to do it. Make up your own holidays. Budweiser Day. VodkaFest. Jager Week.
AMERICANS WITH NO MEXICAN ANCESTRY SHOULD NOT BE CELEBRATING CINCO DE MAYO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You always see these clowns at the liquor store on May 4th, buying 12 packs of Corona. Or in Stop & Shop getting limes, Tostitos, and salsa; wanting to be Mexican for a day (and only a day). And it isn't multiculturalism, or curiosity that is fueling this annual phenomenon, it's a desire to drink without the guilt of acknowledging that you drink for no reason.
Could you imagine if other countries did stuff like this, celebrate foreign country's holidays. Just picture this...
4th of July, Lisbon, Portugal
Couple of Portuguese guys get together, drink Keystone and Natty Ice from funnels, eat hot dogs and EZ Mac, and watch Flavor of Love.
Bastille Day (French), Tokyo, Japan
Some Japanese businessmen go the entire day without bathing, eat nothing but cheese, drink a shit-ton of wine, and find some Germans to surrender to.
Russia Day, Melbourne, Australia
A group of Aussies get together, drink an obscene amount of vodka, use numbers and weird symbols when they write stuff, wear those big Russian fur hats, and dress in very bland grey clothing.
So if you want to drink, just drink. Don't wear some dumbass sombrero when you're doing it though.
-The Commodore
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