I Hate Lacrosse

All this weekend, Gillette Stadium has hosted the NCAA Lacrosse Championships. And with apologies to DP's woman, I must declare that lacrosse is a shit sport. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm not saying it isn't fun to play, but I am saying that it sucks more than Jenna Jameson on ecstasy.

Why?

Here's why:

1. Someone once told me lacrosse was like a mix between soccer and hockey. I like soccer and I like hockey. I also like A-1 sauce and I like ice cream. That doesn't mean I want to combine them.

2. lax is short for lacrosse, and it's also short for laxative.



3. Lacrosse is hugely popular in Syracuse and Central New York, and as someone who lived in CNY, I can tell you that Central New York is shit.

4. The only people who like it are people who play it.

5. What the fuck is an attackman? Can't you say "Attacker?"

6. The faceoffs are gay, jump balls would be cooler, or maybe start play XFL style.



7. What kind of uniform involves a masked helmet AND shorts with NO leg padding?

8. Why does the goalie get a tennis racket?

9. The visor over the facemask of a lacrosse helmet is lame. Wear a shaded visor like Ricky Williams INSIDE the helmet.

10. The ball is essentially an oversized bouncy ball

11. The field looks like an enlarged tennis court

12. Duke blows

13. Syracuse sucks

-The Commodore