Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory vs. Stewie from Family Guy

This is one of the best match-ups that DuelingCouches' Versus' series has seen. Two child geniuses. Two closet homosexuals. Both slightly annoying. Both with strange accents that suggest adoption. Both utterly brilliant and capable of almost anything.

Quick bios on each combatant:

Dexter:

Height: 2' 0"
Build: Average
Age: Unknown
Strengths: Mechanical and engineering skills, book-smarts, problem solving, ingenuity
Weaknesses: Lack of size, no common sense, phobias, gullibility, his inventions often malfunction and turn on him
Allies: Older sister (occasionally)
Enemies: Some other kid named Mandark
Ambitions: Who knows, but something benevolent

Stewie Griffin:

Height: Around 2 feet, perhaps shorter
Build: Skinny
Age: 1
Strengths: Mechanical and engineering skills, weapons construction, weapons utilization, marksmanship, assassination, thermonuclear physics, quantum mechanics, psychology, mind control, manipulation
Weaknesses: Lack of size, no experience, lots of talk with little follow through
Allies: Rupert (his bear) and occasionally Bertram (his half-brother)
Enemies: Bertram (occasionally), Lois, broccoli
Ambitions: Matricide and world conquest

The obvious difference between Dexter and Stewie is that Dexter is good and Stewie is bad. Dexter doesn't seem to have a specific ambition or goal, and certainly doesn't want to kill his mother (he's kind of a mama's boy, actually) and conquer the world. Stewie, on the other hand, is quite clear with his intentions.



To me, this is a strength for Stewie. He's unrestricted by morality and the rules of goodness. He can strike first and ask questions later. Whereas Dexter can only use his brain and technical skills for self-defense. Dexter is limited, Stewie is not. Early advantage: Stewie.



Dexter is likely older than Stewie, although it is possible that he started talking with that Southeastern European accent much before most kids begin to speak. However, Stewie has more experience in the field of combat.



Stewie excels at both hand-to-hand combat, and weaponry. He's killed before. He's also been around the world to places like the Middle East, Britain, and even Nazi Germany. Middle advantage: Stewie

Now we get into something that isn't on the surface. Perhaps in a short battle, Stewie's skills and lack of morals would lead to a decisive issue. But perhaps, there's a weakness to Stewie. A self-destructive element to his personality. Does he really want all those things he claims to want?

With Stewie's arsenal of advanced weapons, how is Lois still alive? Stewie is capable of killing her, yet doesn't. In the episode that he does murder her (in a computer simulation), we see that he winds up failing. But why even set-up a simulation to see what would happen? Why not grow a pair, take a risk, and do it.

Stewie is all talk and no walk. He'll occasionally fight small battles, and kill one or two people, but for all his evil, and all his power, he'd rather go clubbing:



Dexter is not intimidating. He's easily fooled. He's a goody-two-shoes. His inventions break down. He can't even outwit his dumb sister. Yet he at least knows who he is. Stewie claims to be an evil genius, but he doesn't back that up with any action.

I think Stewie's deep confusion as to who he really is and what he really wants would be his undoing in this battle. I think he'd have an early advantage, eventually gaining an opportunity to destroy Dexter, and then he'd squander it by thinking "should I really do this?" Put in a kill-or-die situation, Dexter would capitalize on Stewie's hesitation, and dispose of him, coldly and brutally.



Winner: Dexter

-The Commodore

DC Versus Returns

Whats good Whats good Whats good. Dueling Couches' Versus is back. The hiatus is my bad, i have a broken computer and im too lazy to use another. Regardless, DP finally got on my ass about writing a new edition and its one im pretty sure you're going to like....well everyone but maybe BMack. Simply because this segment features:
our very own BMack


Vs.

Meg Griffin


I know what your all thinking....'Woot, how can Bmack...a real person...possibly go up against a fictional animated character?' Well the answer is simple, cuz its funny, so fuck off.

Now, lets break this down.

Strength:
I have seen Bob in situations that require some exertion of strength, whether it be playing a game of backyard football, beating up his former roommate Beerman, and finally, although i did not witness it he engaged in bedroom activity with a female lacrosse goalie and future lesbian which would suggest he had to have a physical presence.

As far as Meg, she is one of the weakest characters in the show. She gets shit on every episode and simply put, spends more time running away, then being the aggressor.


Advantage Mack.

Next is a frequently overlooked element, and that is pent up aggression.

Bob Mack is so relaxed its retarded. I have never seen the man explode with any intense emotion. Instead he keeps it real and is upfront with shit, and brushes the rest off for the most part. But in a true battle, there is no way a man that looks like this can properly defend himself.


Meg has flipped out in the past. She has yelled, she has screamed, she has put her foot down at least a few times. Whatever reason, Meg has at least gotten some anger out in the form of brutal physical experiences.


So if it came down to it, here is my final decision. And this is kind of a cop out, but it is what i decided so once again, go fuck yourself. THAT BEING SAID, I have decided that they both would be victorious if they were to actual fight. If Bob was turned into a cartoon, i think Meg would whoop the shit out Bob, because becoming a cartoon means your personality traits are accented, which means bob would be very lethargic and not easily worked up. However, if Meg was a real person...

I think Mack would beat the shit out of her. But thats not saying much, cuz Bob would just be beating up a girl when all is said and done.

Now go forth having over thought an issue of minuscule importance, and get ready for the Celtics game. God bless the World Champions.

DC Versus

Today I finally get around to presenting the next edition of DC Versus. This version features two of the all time great monsters in cinematic history. We are talking one that scaled a building like it was a jungle gym, and another that still strikes fear in the hearts of panicking Asian people. Im no racist, hes the one that picked on strictly Asians. back to business.

In this corner, standing tall as what can only be described as a prehistoric ape with human like instincts.... the legend,

King Kong.

they dont make em like that anymore.

And in this corner. A giant racist dinosaur that terrorized Japan in over 38 films. he is known as the 'king of monsters'. he is,
Godzilla.


This is an amazing battle to be sure. Two of the most fears characters ever conceived. Sure, they may have been surpassed in terms of modern threats, but i guarantee if they were real right now, nothing would surpass them.

So lets discuss the showdown.

Strength, who has the upper hand? I dont think anyone could give either the advantage in this category. You gotta make this category a push.

Mobility. Hands down Kong. Not only is he more nimble, but Godzilla aint climbing any buildings. King Kong can move side to side, or turn quickly, Godzilla requires an opponent that can do none of this.


Versatility. Again, I am forced to go with King Kong. Look at the arms Godzilla is forced to work with. He has these little sausage link arms, they simple do no good. They arent as bad as the arms of a T-rex, but still hes at a dissadvantage here. On the other hand Kong actually has 2 sets of very useful appendages. He has hands for feet, and feet for hands, its a combination most Homosapiens wish we hadnt evolved out of.


Intangibles. Im going with Godzilla. King Kong has a soft spot for blond white women...then again who doesnt. However, Godzilla loves nothing. He in fact hates everything so much he cant stand it. Kong was portrayed as almost an 'antihero'. You wanted to root for him, because in a way you felt like you didnt fully understand him...like there was something under the mean exterior that would allow you to forgive his actions. I mean, look how much he protected that lady. Godzilla? Na, this motherfucker hates everything. I mean, he hates EVERYTHING. Any women of any hair color, race, height, cup size, anything, could walk up to him and he would have either A: stepped on her, B: thrown a fire ball at her, or C: bite her in half. This son of a bitch is bad to the motherfuckin bone.
This is him eating....a train. Thats right, hes eating a train.


So who wins?

ATTENTION DC FAITHFUL

This is where DC has decided to insert a new development in DC Versus. A March Madness breakdown of all the DC battles to date. You will decide the ultimate DC warrior. It could end up being anyone from Scrooge McDuck, to George Washington. What Im going to do is a make a bracket featuring all the prior DC Versus matchups. I declared a winner in all of them, but that means very little. So what i want to do is have the DC faithful vote on who they think should have won each fight. It will be single elimination until we have an undisputed DC Versus Champion. I will design a bracket to post so that everyone can see the matchups.

We Start today. Comment and Vote on who you think wins between King Kong and Godzilla. Insulting one another is encouraged.

And may god have mercy on us all.

DC Versus

This weeks edition of Versus pins two of the funniest cartoon fathers of all time, and will most likely maintain that status for all time.

First is Springfields own,
Homer Jay Simpson


And Cohog Rhode Islands,
Peter Griffin


im talking about an all out brawl. I would love to see these two go at it and once and for all settle the debate as to who (and consequently whos show) reigns supreme in the cartoon comedy world.

Both of these guys have the IQ of a small rodent, so as far as overall intelligence, its a push. But that makes for an even greater battle. they are both idiots.


yea, a push indeed.

Next lets look at basic fighting experience. Homer once fought the heavyweight champion of the world because he could take a punch. remember that episode where he almost died because of all the hits he was taking and then burns or someone came into the ring with a helicopter parachute thing? i cant find a clip of that but then theres Peters battles. Well all know who he fights the most. That crafty crafty chicken. in case you have other things to do than watch the whole fight, heres just the beginning, how it started with the careless handing out of expired coupons.

This is also a tough category simply because Family guy is a much more violent show than is the simpsons. its not homers fault he never fought a life size chicken. Even so, it looks like Peter may have more experience. but as we know, experience isnt everything.

How about heart. Who has the will to see this battle through to the end? Who will get up the most after being knocked down repeatedly. I am one to believe Homer has the edge in the section because at times Peter can be a little over dramatic when it comes to pain.

Homer, while sometimes emotional, would probably have a better threshold for pain when all is said and done.

You want to talk comedy, i dont care what anyone says, Homer is the Godfather of cartoon comedy. hes funnier than Peter because he did it all first. he is the original fuck up father who is outlandishly inappropriate and horrible to his wife. his adventures and numerous careers paved the way for future characters like Peter Griffin to even come into development. Peter griffin is hilarious, and endlessly entertaining, but Homer is the original 'don-donna' and if you cant recognize that then we have nothing further to discuss.

HOWEVER on the grounds of an all out fist fight, i would go with peter. Peter has more evil in him and is surprisingly talented at fighting. He is very unpredictable and even if he pauses frequently as he does in the show for a comedic reference and a cut away, homer would just sit and listen (do to his low IQ). I pains me to say it, but i declare Peter the winner of this physical battle of nitwits.

DC Versus

And now DC versus introduces a new twist on this segment. A three way battle. A menage a trois of death if you will. This week we have 3 characters facing off and they are as follows.

Mr Peanut:


The Monopoly Guy


and finally,

Scrooge McDuck


Ok.

We have some subtle badasses here. You may not know it to look at them, but these three run shit. No one has ever come close to being the face of the peanut, why is that? because mr peanut is in actuality a peanut and no one else would be better as the mascot? no. wrong. the answer is that hes a badass and muscles anyone else out of the way that tries to step up.


Then theres the monopoly guy. this son of bitch has been running his own universe for decades. our parents used to play this game of economic domination and it is still around today. Somehow this man gained control of all the property from Baltic Ave to the elustrious Boardwalk Ave and all he does is let boots and cannons and bags of money run around and buy the property for a little while and fuck with one another. this guy is so badass he created a situation where he can be god.
The Monopoly Guy




And then you have scrooge mcduck. this grimey bastard is a money loving duck if there ever was one. although he raised the young ducklings, his example that he set for them was far from superb and and his temper tended to get a little out of control from time to time. especially dealing with issues he cared very much about; money...and apparently icecream. Anyone that gets this excited over this situation is not to be taken lightly


so then if these three faced off who would come out on top? At times there would obviously be some one-on-one fighting with the third spectating, but im not going to go over every scenario.

Mr Peanut has a mysterious strength to him, and honestly i think he would scare me the most. However i feel like the monoploy man is the sleeping giant in this battle. Something about that cocky old man just spells dominance to me. Scrooge i have to put as the underdog. he is a little out of control and two well kept characters like Peanut and Monopoly Man would use that against him.

I'm going to go with Mr Peanut. Theres something about this guy that simply spells winner. He has the height and presumably the strength over both of his competitors in this battle. Dont be fooled by his cane, its for style and thats all. And you know what the true sign of a warrior is? Its that you never actually see him fight. no one messes with this motherfucker and they are all the wiser for doing so. Monoply guy is too obsessed with finances to be physically dominating, and look at how ace ventura took care of him

And Scrooge would just splooge if he ran into a talking peanut.

I declare Mr Peanut the well deserved victor in this edition of DC Versus.

DC Versus

Sorry for the delay. I started my new job today and so i was unable to get to this earlier. I was however able to ask about 5 people at work their opinions on this next matchup. Seeing as it was indeed my first day of working there and i brought this up about 2 hours into the day and took notes in my little notepad, they seemed to get a kick out of it. Anyway, i think everyones gonna like this weeks edition. It features...

Michael Myers


VS

Jason Vorhees



I'll be honest, when i was young I didnt take the time to differentiate between the two because they both made me piss myself. However now thanks to this segment of DC i can face my fears and put these two sons of satan up against one another. But if your like me, you dont know all the differences between these two. So for a moment lets differentiate shall we? We Shall.

Michael Myers is a character from the 'Halloween' series of slasher films. He first appears in John Carpenter's Halloween in 1978 as a young boy who murders his older sister, then fifteen years later returns home to murder more teenagers. He was actually known as 'The Shape' in the final credits of the first movie, simply because he didnt seem like a real person. A cool sidenote about the mask used:

This guy is Nick Castle the guy who had to find the perfect mask, what they did was take a William Shatner halloween mask, cut the eyes holes out bigger, took off the sideburns and eyebrows and messied up the hair. and the mask was born. awesome piece of trivia there.
"A common characterization is that Michael Myers is evil. John Carpenter has described the character as "almost a supernatural force - a force of nature. An evil force that's loose," a force that is "unkillable"[10] Professor Nicholas Rogers elaborates, "Myers is depicted as a mythic, elusive bogeyman, one of superhuman strength who cannot be killed by bullets, stab wounds, or fire."(Wikipedia)
Simply put, he cant be stopped and even when he has killed, he just keeps going. Hes the energizer murderer. And combined with that music in the movies, i dont think anything is more horrifying.


Jason Voorhees is a character from the 'Friday the 13th' series of slasher films. He first appeared in Friday the 13th in 1980, as the son of camp cook-turned-murderer Mrs. Voorhees; he was not originally intended to carry the series as the main villain. Jason Voorhees has also been represented in numerous novels, comic books, and a cross-over film with another horror legend, Freddy Krueger. Basically he was a side character that took a life of its own, pardon the pun.
In his original appearance, Jason was scripted as a mentally disabled young boy. Since Friday the 13th, Jason Voorhees has been depicted as a non-verbal, indestructible, machete-wielding mass murderer. With the exception of flashbacks of Jason drowning as a child, and a brief scene in Jason Goes To Hell where his spirit is possessing another body, the character has never spoken in any of the sequels to the original Friday the 13th. he doesn't have any personality. He's like a great white shark. You can't really defeat him. All you can hope for is to survive.


Soak it in. two ridiculous characters and arguably the two most horrifying characters in cinematic history. So lets put them up against one another finally.

They both cant be killed. Thats tough to work around. So Im thinking about a battle that lasts until one of them gets bored. Jason is said to not have a personality but i feel like he has more of one than Myers. Jason is different than myers in that he actually has a human connection with his mother, that makes him weak in this matchup. Myers seems to just hate human beings all together. However i cant forsee Myers using Jasons love for his mother against him in any way, hes not that inventive.

Inventiveness is where i think Jason has the advantage. I just feel like over the course of his murdering he has done so in more creative ways than Myers. I remember one time Jason stabbed this dude in the back a bunch and then as he was twictching and dieing Jason bent the bed and consequently this dude in half. I appretiate that he took the time to do something clever after the stabbing which has been done countless times.

So who wins? Who Wins indeed.

Im going with my gut as I tend to do and which draws controversial results. Im going to say Jason is the victor. i cant really pin the actual reason i am leaning towards him other than i laugh more frequently with him then i do with Myers. Myers is tough no doubt about that, but i feel like Jason would have the upper hand because he would enjoy the battle more and we would be able to tell. Whereas Michael Myers would just sorta go through the motions.

A tribute to the victor in this rare footage of him battling another real life villian. not his best performance, but obviously its really him. apparently the place to do battle is someones backyard. But what do i know.


That is all.

DC Versus

My bad, I'm late this week with the latest VERSUS. Its been a busy week, but its here. So without further rabble, i present this weeks edition of DC Versus featuring...

Duke Nukem


VS

Turok


That pic of turok is huge but i dont give a fuck its amazing and we all wish we were him. anyway, to battle.


These two characters represent two of the best characters in video game history. Both are considerable bad asses and have had huge followings since their emergence into the gaming world.

Duke is a confident, aggressive, and frequently politically incorrect muscle-man, who, although not superhuman, nonetheless manages to achieve incredible physical feats of violence and conquest through sheer machismo and expertise with automatic weapons.
This is a pic of the original Duke from the first edition of the game back in 1991.


Turok is actually named Joseph Turok and is the hero of the dinosaur hunter games. Previously, Turok was a member of Wolf Pack, a specialized military detachment whose members were trained in black ops by General Roland Kane. After a falling out with the group, Turok was reassigned back to the military and was eventually made the newest member of Whiskey Company—a team that has been assembled to apprehend his former mentor and return him to Earth.


Honestly this is a real tough matchup. One fights prehistoric monsters, the other fights futuristic alien monsters. Which is harder to defeat? My gut tells me that the aliens are simply because of their advanced brains and technology, however you simply cant contend with the shear raw power of a T-Rex. If you remember thats how Turok ended, with a great battle against a T-Rex.

Turok is a man of many skills. he uses many weapons throughout the course of the game which says alot about his versatility and overall fighting capabilities. Duke Nukem wouldnt care though, he would call Turok a pansy and put his cigar out on his face.

Son of a bitch i am torn.

Flip a coin?

Na. The integrity of DC versus is at stake. A winner must be rightfully declared.

Therefore i have no other choice but to go with my gut and chose the warrior who would come out on top in this battle. Winner is Duke Nukem. Sure Turok took on the dinosaurs, but whos to say Nukem couldnt do the same given the opportunity. Turok fought creatures from the past which says nothing about his ability to fight those in the future. its easier to go back in time and fight then forward in time and fight. That's my overall theory and reasoning.

DC Versus

You want to talk about match ups. you want to talk about world colliding. You want to talk about a battle for the ages. Well we got it for you this week as Dueling Couches presents the newest edition of Versus.

Mr. Miyagi


VERSUS

Master Splinter

Thats right. 'Master' Splinter. dont call him just Splinter. You address him with respect. Just as you wouldnt call Mr Miyagi, 'Miyagi' the same rule applies to Master Splinter. Back to business.


Its tough to really want either of these two heroes to lose in any battle. But they have one thing in common, you always wanted to see them throw down. lets do a little background to instill in us just how much honor is at stake here. If you dont want to read these bios, then you dont appreciate the essence of DC Versus. I would never do this long of a bio on characters, except for these two historical warriors, they deserve it so shut the fuck up.

Mr Miyagi:

An Okinawan Japanese immigrant to the United States, Mr. Miyagi was most likely born on April 11, 1923 (inferred from his immigration to the U.S. and war service). He learned karate originally from his father, who had been a fisherman. He came to the United States after leaving Okinawa to avoid a fight to the death with his former best friend Sato. Miyagi initially had a job working for Sato's father, where he met and fell in love with a young woman named Yukie from his village. Yukie however was arranged to marry Sato. Miyagi rebuked the marriage in front of the whole village, claiming that he and Yukie were in love, and Miyagi was set to go against tradition and marry Yukie anyway. This greatly dishonored Sato, who challenged Miyagi to a fight to the death. To avoid the fight - by the conduct of karate - Miyagi left Okinawa and Yukie behind when he was 18 years old. It was not until 1985 when Miyagi's father (also Sato's sensei) was dying that Miyagi returned to his village. Upon his return, Miyagi was reunited with Yukie. After Miyagi's father passed away, Yukie revealed to Miyagi that his father was proud that his son didn't take up Sato's challenge and that Miyagi indeed did the right thing. However, also on this return, Miyagi was eventually forced to face his history with Sato. Sato relentlessly tried to have Miyagi accept his challenge to fight, but after Miyagi saved Sato from death during a hurricane attack, Sato relented and he and Miyagi became friends again.

Honor my friends.....Honor.


Master Splinter:

Splinter was originally a man named Yoshi, and was framed by his rival, Oroku Saki (who would eventually turn into his future arch-enemy, the Shredder), for trying to murder their common dojo master in Japan. Being unable to prove his innocence, he moved away to New York City, where he lived as a hermit in its sewers and befriended the rats. One day, he came across four baby turtles which were accidentally dropped by a boy through a grate of the sewers. He kept them as pets and treated them like his children. But later, he found the turtles venturing near broken barrels that were oozing glowing pink chemical liquid. As he tried to recover them from danger and attempted to clean them with his bare hands, they were all affected by the chemical which was a mutagen. This mutagen transformed any living being into a mutant whose body became mixed with the DNA of any other living being it was last in contact with. The turtles, being touched by Yoshi, turned into young anthropomorphic humanoid turtles. Hamato himself, having more recently been in contact with sewer rats than his own pet turtles, became a humanoid rat. Since then, Yoshi raised the turtles by himself, and gave them the names of his favorite Renaissance artists: Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo, who were to be distinguished by personality and headband color. He also taught them the art of ninjutsu in order to protect themselves better, since people above ground would not accept them.

Hamato was given the nickname "Splinter" by his adoptive sons, due to his proficiency at breaking wooden boards.


OK. thats out of the way. Lets put them up face to face.

Master Splinter usually has an advantage because no one would suspect he is so well trained in the martial arts, because lets face it....hes a rat. However, as we all know Mr Miyagi is not one to doubt the abilities of a foe, and therefore this advantage is quickly taken away.

Discipline always plays a roll in battles like this and again, its really tough to say who would have the advantage in this category as well. One has to assume that these would have to be two of the most disciplined warriors of all time.

Speed, you gotta go with Mr Miyagi. They are close in age, but Master Splinter does rely on assistance from a cane/bow staff most of the time so one must draw the conclusion that he may be a bit older than Mr Miyagi.

So then how do we rate these contestants? What factors come into play when pinning them face to face. I'll tell you, the facts that make them who they are...the intangibles.

Mr Miyagi:
Honor in its finest. Left home because he didnt want to kill his best friend. He left the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with just to retain his honor. Furthermore, he took under his wing a scrawny white Italian kid who was having his own struggles. he taught him the balance and harmony that martial arts can provide to ones life and in turn received a special reward of a meaningful friendship. essentially he gained the son he was never able to have himself.


Master Splinter:
He has accomplished quite a bit...and thats since he became a rat. I know that if any of us were to turn into a rat, we wouldnt accomplish as much as Master Splinter has. Ok so Master Splinter comes to America and finds 4 turtles, he figures why not keep them for pets. but then the turtles become humanoid mutants and Master Splinter decides to keep them anyway. not only does he keep them but he raises them as his sons. i gotta be honest, thats much more impressive than what Mr Miyagi undertook with Daniel. Master Splinter raised 4 mutants and did so by instilling in them the same honor that he himself lived his life by. They also became some pretty bas ass fighters.

They would grow up to have love and respect for Master Splinter and lead a life fighting crime and ridding the city of awful villains. All Daniel son ever did was fight back against some bullies.


So when the dust clears, and all is said and done who take the cake in this one? My heart tells me that Master Splinter wins. But my head tells me its Mr Miyagi. I gotta give the advantage and the therefore the victory to Mr Miyagi. He has fought many humans in his lifetime and theres just something about him that seems invincible. I dont see anyway that Master Splinter could get the best of him. This is without a doubt the hardest choice i have had to make in any VERSUS so far. While it would be a well fought battle, one with honor all over the place, i declare Mr Miyagi the victor in this the latest edition of DC Versus.


deep exhale

DC Versus

Upon request from Bmack we have a new edition of DC versus. Today is a more light hearted matchup and one that features two all time great heroes from our childhood era. They both are people whom we wish would come to life and jump out of their animated worlds into ours and make our lives a little more exciting. If these two men were anything but fictional characters our world would simply be a better place. However today we pin them up against one another in a battle for the ages.

Introducing the head inspector for the Metro Ceity Police Department, Inspector Gadget


Secondly allow me to present a man who has our planets' best interests at heart. he fights villians and protects the earth at the same time, ladies and gentlemen, Captain Planet.



Wow. Take a moment. Let the memories come flooding back. Remember our lives when these were two of our closest friends. Their drama on tv was the worst drama we would have to deal with in life. before we face them off, lets all take a moment and watch a clip so we can say....'holy shit i remember that!'



Holy Hell Youtube is a god send.

--NOW TO BATTLE--

Lets first assume that our heros are alone. This would suggest that Captain Planet has already been summonded by those five kids the Planeteers,


and furthermore Inspector Gadget is without his niece Penny, and dog Brain.



Captain Planet can fly at any moment. While Gadget has the ability with his hat copter, it isnt as quick to respond as Planet. So as far as mobility is concerned, you gotta give it to Planet.

Luck however is on the side of Gadget. I dont know if you remember watching any episodes but Gadget was pretty much a moron. beyond inventing the greatest gadgets a person could wear on their body, he pretty much fell into the hero buisness time and time again. truth be told his neice Penny did alot of the sloving with her magic book thing and Gadget took all the credit, which i found to be a bit fucked up. So captain planet is almost doomed in the sense that Gadget doesnt lose no matter what his foe does to stop him. Even though Penny isnt in this battle, Gadget has never lost ever.

the next thing i like to do is look at their respective battle history. Inspector Gadget faces one of the most underrated villians in animation history in Dr. Claw.

We never saw his face and the motherfucker was hororfying when we were kids. Just me? Fuck you then.

Captain Planet however faces a barage of villians all with one goal in mind. to pollute the earth. Remember 'Duke Nukem'? heres a long clip of the Planeteers fighting this fuck.

Sorry for the length. Planet also battled villians like Hoggish Greedly, remember this fat fuck?

Planet always faced tougher villians. However, he only had to deal with them when the Planeteers couldnt take care of them theirselves. A knock on Captain Planet to be sure.

So when the smoke clears, who wins this battle? The obvious answer is Captain Planet. he has mighty strength (one time he threw an asteroid away from earth) and he can fly pretty fuckin fast. However im going with the suprise upset in this one and going with Inspector Gadget. You really cant underestimate him, and honestly everyone does. Dr Claw must be the most frustrated villian ever, he cant seem to best this idiot with strechy arms and legs. gadget might fall ass backwards into victory, but somehow i think he will use Planets weakness against him. Incase you didnt remember, Captain Planet, like Superman and his kryptonite, is deathly weakened by radiation and pollution. this silly weakness is all the inspector would need. before the battle would start Inspector Gadget would throw his Burger King Big Kids meal on the ground and be ready to fight not realizing simply by polluting he has already won. And the bottom line is, Captain planet is kinda gay. And anyone that works for that homo kid from the rainforrest with 'heart' is a loser in my book.

Winner: Inspector Gadget
You have the right to debate.


What a battle.

DC Versus

This edition of DC versus features one very powerful human being and a group of his followers. First we have the original forefather of this country and his pose. I'm talking of course about George Washington and 20 of his Revolutionary troops.


Washington and his boys will be taking on a more modern foe and one that we recognized as quite powerful when we were growing up. That's right, I'm referring to Shredder and 20 of the Foot Clan.




This would be quite a battle right off the bat. George Washington and his troops were known as being really bad ass. Theres a story about them one winter during the war. They were waiting on the edge of a forest on Christmas eve and sat on right outside British camp. Once the British troops got drunk and began to pass out in celebration, GW and his boys pounced on them. Bad Ass.

The Shredder is the only one that really intimidates on the other side. The Foot Clan have numbers usually, but since in this VS we are only using 20, you must keep that in mind. The Foot always seem a little goofy, but don't let that fool you, they were battling Mutant Turtles in the prime of their life, anyone would look bad fighting them. Shredder is at the core of this squad, and this man is not only trained in the martial arts, but was once crushed by a trash truck compactor and lived. Also Bad Ass.


Ok so lets look at this realistically.

There is a face off in the middle of a field somewhere. GW and his boys have pride, grit, and muskets. Shredder and the foot have intimidation on their side, and most likely speed. I am one to believe that the muskets would be the downfall of the revolutionary boys. We all know how slow it takes them to reload, they have horrible accuracy and they would most likely be in their standard straight line formation which is ridiculous. This would give a slight advantage to the Foot. NOT to mention, the revolutionary soldiers would be looking at the Shredder for gods sake. Those boys have never seen anything like that in their life. This will affect their shooting ability and nerves. George Washington would most likely look Shredder right in his metal head and tell him to go fuck himself and call him a dirty chinamen, but he needs his boys for support, and we're talking about farmers and blacksmiths here. But you know what, the foot are still gay.

While they may be trained in the martial arts, they are always bested by the TMNT who beat them ,and make jokes while they do it. I don't respect someone who goes down at the butt of jokes. Shredder is the only reason they really have a chance in this VERSUS.


When all is said and done, i like GW and his boys. And i will tell you why, all someone would have to do is say that the foot clan was there trying to take their freedom and stuff and they would whoop the shit out of them. because remember, under those masks the foot are just lost young men who are looking for acceptance and a purpose for their lives (refer to TMNTII). The revolutionary soldiers, while they use inept firearms, have pride and purpose behind their fighting. The Foot fight so that the Shredder wont kill them himself, while the Revolutionary Soldiers fight WITH George Washington for a greater purpose. George Washington has emerged as a hero of mine again and I believe the Shredder would get in a few good licks, but GW would would bring home the bacon. hes so bad ass he doesnt believe in martial arts and if he had to he would just learn it real quick and use it to beat shredder and then forget it again.


Winner: George Washington and the Revolutionary Soldiers

The Grinch VS. Hitler

Two of the most notorious villains in the history of mankind face off in this edition of DC VERSUS.



VS



Right off the bat i can anticipate some of you wondering how you can even compare the two. Hitler is way worse, you might say. he is responsible for a mass genocide of multiple races of people in an effort to ethnically 'cleanse' the world on his quest for ultimate world domination. Well thats true....but the Grinch tried to steal christmas....and thats pretty fucked up too.


We must consider the reasons these two might face off and i think i got it. The jews. Hitler, as we know is not a fan. However, i presume the grinch to appreciate Judaism because they dont celebrate christmas either. There are no reports of th Grinch dressing up as a rabbi and sneaking in to steal Hanukkah presents. So there they would most likely butt heads.

Hitler used his skills in rhetoric to sway a nation into following him on his reign of terror, the Grinch rhymed alot....its a tie.

If the two of them were to face off you must also consider the fact that Hitler fought till the death in WWII while the Grinch was brainwashed by the 'Whos' into giving up his hatred. This makes me feel like hitler might have an advantage since he is a skilled orator and might be able to convince the grinch that hes wrong.

--Side note--
lets all thank our lucky stars these two never had a chance to team up.

The hatred within each of these villains is undeniable. The grinch hates the Whos very much, while Hitler hated pretty much everything. In this battle I have to give the advantage to Adolph. I pains me to say it, but as we all know the Grinch is destined to come along and eventually see that his hatred for christmas and the whos is wrong, while Hitler wont stop until he kills the Grinch and then executes each one of the Whos.


this VERUS hurt my heart, and i dont want to think about hitler this much for a long time.

Bebop & Rocksteady VS. The 3 Ninjas

Thats right. Worlds have collided. Two sets of characters that have no factual existence, and yet we all wish they did, are now facing off thanks to this edition of DC VERSUS.



VS.



Overview:
Now, this VERSUS presents a thin line between what a VERSUS usually consists of. We usually have one being facing off with another, however in this case there are a total of 5 characters doing battle. HOWEVER this is acceptable and in accordance to VERSUS regulations because when separate these characters present weak and conquerable character, their strength is in their teamwork. Let us begin.

Strength:
Bebop and Rocksteady obviously crush in this category. They are mutants.

Versatility:
The Three ninjas were trained by a Mr Miyagi-esk man who was their grandfather. Dont be fooled into thinking they have the same skills that that karate kid had, but they are to be respected for sure. Any time you are trained by a small Asian man, you have an advantage

but wait....

Bebop and Rocksteady were created by the ooze. They are mutants, under the tutelage and training of....Shreder and the Foot clan....another group of Asians.

its tough to decide which has the versatility advantage. But when you break it down...Bebop and rocksteady were tricked into eating donuts with pills in them. And the three ninjas took on hundreds of other ninjas on a boat and won. Advantage... Tom-Tom, Rocky and Colt. Bebop and Rocksteady became huge mutants but they retained the brain power of their original selves.


I will be honest, I am a bit biased. But i think we all should be. If you were a kid and watched 3 Ninjas and didnt want to be one of them, you were dead inside. There was no feeling like believing children can battle anyone basically and win in fantastic fashion.

it would be tough for the 3 ninjas to take on bebop and Rocksteady, simply because of the size disadvantage. but the three ninjas have brains, and even though its tough to root against two lovable idiots like bebop and rocksteady, i gotta give the advantage to the three ninjas. Now...if you wanna compare the 3 ninjas to the ninja turtles...thats a different story. both sets of ninja brothers are tough to compare...but if its between the 3 ninjnas and bebop and Rocksteady, my mind is made up. enjoy this video which provides proof of my analysis.

Michael Jackson Vs. The Karate Kid

This edition of 'versus' features The King of Pop,


and The Karate Kid.


Lets begin.


FIRST OF ALL:

its important to decide at which point these two competitors would face off. At what stage of their life would they do battle? Because if Daniel (the karate kid) fights MJ before he has been trained by Mr. Miyagi he doesnt stand a chance. We all remember what a bitch this kid was before Mr Miyagi trained him. On the other hand, if its later in Mj's career and the karate kid has been fully trained, its also one sided in favor of Daniel-son. So lets say that this battle features Michael Jackson from the Thriller age, and the Karate Kid when he is in the middle of his training montage. In order to grasp, please observe these references.




Unfortunately MJ has blocked people from embedding his videos online. Right there he loses some points in this battle.

MOVING ON

As far as physical prowess goes its honestly a tough match up. Karate Kid is skilled in the martial arts, however no one has ever moved liked MJ. Michael Jackson was doing moves for the first time ever. That being said I give the advantage to Michael because he has the height, overall strength...and when he wants a child...he takes em.

The next area of focus is Courage/Heart.

This one is simple. one of them was trained by Mr Miyagi, arguably the best trainer from any movie ever...excluding Mick from Rocky. If Mr Miyagi trained any of us, we would have the heart of a lion and the discipline to engage in battle against any foe. Michael Jackson has no heart. He abandoned his heritage, and touches little kids. karate Kid wins this mostly because of the man behind the scene. God bless Mr Miyagi.



So lets think about this. If Michael Jackson showed up to do battle in his Thriller outfit and has the fluid moves he had in the video...it would be tough for anyone to beat him. However the theme of DC's 'versus' is to go beneath the surface of the obvious. That being said, MJ is soft. His music...groundbreaking. Say what you want about his personal preference for adolescents, he is truly the king of pop and his music success will be unmatched forever. HOWEVER Daniel, the Karate Kid has honor. did you read that word?.....HONOR. And as we all know, in the end honor will always prevail.

WINNER: The Karate Kid

Scar Vs Baine

Let us examine a battle that most of us would pay good money to see. I'm speaking of course of the ultimate show down of Scar (from the Lion King) and Bane (from Batman).



VS



Now. First of all, if these two are going to battle to the beath you much take into account their weapons of choice. As far as brute strength goes, the edge has to go to Bane...even though Scar lifted Mufasa off the rock cliff to fall to his death, Bane would only need one swing to connect in order to reign supreme.

However, we must not neglect the fact that Scar doesnt roll alone. Hes got his three 'boys' with him in the hiena posse.

You gotta watch these motherfuckers. Not only do they perform great musical numbers in caverns, but they are sneaky and can almost make the battle even between their master and Bane. Then again, they were morons and one of their voices was done by Whoopie Goldberg...

Scar also has a little something called 'cunning'. Evil, yes. But hes a sly son of a bitch. think about it, he basically single handed took over an African Empire without breaking a sweat. Hes most likely going to realize banes weakness which is of course his feeding pipes that allow venom to his brain creating this larger than life human being. Its just a matter of Scar being able to got to it without taking even a swing, which i find unlikely.

Wikipedia Bane and read about this son of a bitch. He committed his first murder at the age of 8. And his skills include:
Peak human physical condition
Genius-level intellect.
Expert strategist, martial artist and escapologist

I had no idea he was said to have 'genius level intellect'. The battle would be much closer if Bane was a dummy, because what scar looses in size in this battle, he makes up for with brains. But apparently Bane is smart.

the final element to look at is who each of these characters have defeated. Scar murdered his brother and the king, that's really tough to beat. On the other hand Bane is known as 'The Man who Broke the Bat'.


So who's tougher to beat, Mufasa or Batman. You gotta say Batman. Mufasa reigned as king, yes...but Batman fought many more villains than Mufasa did. Mufassa was naive and for some reason didnt see his brothers plan coming, even though hes known him their whole lives. To me, this is a done deal.

Winner: Bane.