"Honesty is the best policy" - Honesty isn't a policy. It's an abstract fucking noun like dependability or sexiness. "Being honest" is a policy, but honesty is something completely different. And ask every politician, millionaire, and Barry Bonds if being honest is the best policy. They'll lie and tell you it is.
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away" - Why do you want to keep doctors away from you? Doctors are good, you want them near you. I think this should be changed to "No health insurance keeps the doctor away."
"Laughter is the best medicine" - This is just retarded. I've never heard of some cancer patient saying "I was dying, then I watched Old School, and now I feel fantastic!"
"The best things in life are free" - Again, tell this to someone without health insurance. Here are some of my favorite things in life: my car, going to sporting events, drinking, bowling, and cigarettes. None of these are free.
"In order to get the prince of your dreams, you need to kiss a lot of toads" - So basically, be a slut, hook up with every guy you meet, and statistically speaking you increase the likelihood of stumbling upon Mr. Right. If you're looking for the prince of your dreams, you might want to stick with guys who are already princes, and maybe one of them will be the prince of your dreams. If you want to be a skank, kiss all the toads, squirrels, chipmunks, eels, and turtles you can get your hands on.
"Two wrongs don't make a right" - Yes they do. In the 1860s, the US used war to get rid of slavery and keep The South in the Union. War is a wrong, slavery is a wrong. They were put together and BOOM a right was born: no more slavery!
"War never solved anything" - But it did end the Holocaust
"There are no stupid questions" - OK, how about this one "Do spiders taste the same when they're awake as they do when they're asleep?" That's pretty goddamned stupid.
"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" - What???? Why do I want a bird in my hand? I want them in the bush, so they can't poop on my hand or peck my eyes out, or claw the skin off my palms.
"Say no to drugs" - I've never said anything to any drug ever. Except once when I told ephedrine that I loved it and would miss it, but that was more of a supplement than a drug.
"Something's got to give" - You hear this related to big sports games. If you think about the words, it just doesn't make sense. When I watch a Sox game, I rarely think about what has "given" during the game. And I certainly don't think of stuff that has "got to" give. What does "give" even mean here? What things give? Why do they give? Why MUST they give?
"No love lost" - Used to describe two people or groups that don't like each other. But if love hasn't been lost, why is there only hate?
"Bad blood" - Another way to describe a rivalry. Would two friendly people or teams have good blood?
"Get over yourself" - This is a common command from people who hate Patriots fans (Dave). But it doesn't make any sense. In a literal sense, one can never be over one's self unless some sort of time travel or cloning is involved. In a metaphorical sense, this expression still fails to be coherent. You "get over" your dog dying or your girlfriend sleeping with the basketball team. "Getting over" is similar to moving on or forgetting about something. So how can one forget about themselves? How can someone move on from themselves? I know what the expression is trying to say, but it still doesn't make sense. Typical retarded Patriots haters.
-The Commodore
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