"Don't Do Crack. Drink Chocolate Milk."

I know everyone is writing the Charlie Sheen stories lately, but this one is just too good not to write about. Charlie Sheen recently called the Dan Patrick show on ESPN radio, and well he had a couple of interesting things to say...

"Charlie Sheen said that sobriety "bores" him and that he may revert to substance abuse. In a call to DirecTV/Fox Sports Radio's "The Dan Patrick Show," Sheen said "I was sober for five years a long time ago and was just bored out of my tree," he said during the rambling 28-minute phone interview with "It's inauthentic -- it's not who I am. I didn't drink for 12 years and, man, that first one [drink], Dan. Wow."

The star of "Two and a Half Men" laughed off the ethics clause in his TV contract.

"Yeah, blah, blah, nitpick, nitpick," he said. "I haven't read it, but I don't think it covers 'Let us totally dominate and interfere with your personal life.'"

Sheen also said he was ready to work after less than two weeks of rehab. "Check it. It's like, I heal really quickly. But I unravel pretty quickly. So get me right now, guys," he said, referring to the show's producers (FoxNews)."

Wow.

I am not sure I have ever heard a celebrity of Sheen's stature come out and basically just admit that he loves being a drunk/crackhead. But what really makes this story special is that Sheen was asked to talk about drugs to UCLA's baseball team. All he said about it was "Don't do crack. Drink chocolate milk." Sorry, but that is just about the funniest thing I have ever heard in my life.

So what's his thoughts on crack?

"I said stay off the crack, and I still think that's pretty good advice, unless you can manage it socially. If you can manage it socially, then go for it, but not a lot of people can, you know?"

Yea, I 'm not sure if I have ever heard of anyone handling crack well and being social, but this is Charlie Sheen and he lives by his own rules.

I'll set the over/under till his death at 3 years. What you got?