Illogical Tournament Picks - Part 1

Every year it happens like clockwork. Some dumbass who's seen 20 minutes of college basketball in their life wins the big bracket pool. Either that, or the office secretary picks teams with the cutest mascots, and she wins the big prize. So this year, instead of thinking about my picks, I'm going to select these games based strictly on non-basketball criteria. My goal is to make the worst looking bracket ever, therefore creating the perfect one, and winning $1 million on Yahoo. Here are my picks for Thursday's games:

Game 1: #9 Butler vs #8 LSU
Pick: LSU
Why?: Butlers are paid to dress nice and serve rich people. That's not what winners do.

Game 2: #15 Cal State Northridge vs. #2 Memphis
Pick: CS Northridge
Why?: Baseball is only 2 letters from basketball, and CS Northridge has a sick baseball team. Memphis, meh, not so good.

Game 3: #9 Texas A&M vs. #8 Brigham Young
Pick: Texas A&M
Why?: Two reasons. Junction Boys and Mormonism is about as silly as a religion can get.

Game 4: #12 Northern Iowa vs. #5 Purdue
Pick: Purdue
Why?: I like Perdue chicken

Game 5: #16 Radford vs. #1 North Carolina
Pick: Radford
Why?: Hmmmmmm, why would I pick the Radford HIGHLANDERS? Maybe because there can be only one!



Game 6: #10 Maryland vs. #6 California
Pick: Maryland
Why?: At the University of Maryland, they have classes on Star Wars.

Game 7: #16 Chattanooga vs. #1 UConn
Pick: Chattanooga
Why?: Two reasons... I hate Yukon Cornelius, and this song:



Game 8: #13 Mississippi State vs. #4 Washington
Pick: Washington
Why?: Fewer letters, easier to spell

Game 9: #10 Minnesota vs. #7 Texas
Pick: Texas
Why?: Nicer weather

Game 10: #10 Michigan vs. #7 Clemson
Pick: Michigan
Why?: Better law school

Game 11: #14 American vs. #3 Villanova
Pick: American
Why?: I'm American. America... FUCK YEAH!

Game 12: #13 Akron vs. #4 Gonzaga
Pick: Gonzaga
Why? Akron looks too much like Akon, and I hate Akon

Game 13: #15 Binghamton vs. #2 Duke
Pick: Binghamton
Why?: In Rounders, they go up to Binghamton to hustle a NY State Police poker game, then get stomped on. Classic sequence.

Game 14: #15 Morgan State vs. #2 Oklahoma
Pick: Morgan State
Why?: I once knew a cute lesbian named Morgan



Game 15: #11 Virginia Commonwealth vs. #6 UCLA
Pick: Virginia Commonwealth
Why?: Two reasons: I live in a Commonwealth, and VCU has fewer letters than UCLA

Game 16: #12 Western Kentucky vs. #5 Illinois
Pick: Western Kentucky
Why?: Isn't it obvious?



-The Commodore