Captain Is Angry; Episode 1

Begin rant

“Curt Schilling arrived to Fort Myers with his 12 year old son Gehrig.” Who the hell names their kid Gehrig? I can understand the tribute to The Iron Horse, but then why not name the kid Lou? What’s wrong with Lou? Lou’s a damn good name. And if Curt wanted to be creative with the kid’s name, why not give him Lou Gehrig’s REAL name: Ludwig. That’s right, Lou's German parents gave him a German name. Ludwig Heinrich Gehrig. Weird how you don’t hear that too often. Germans are scary.

We forget how great Gehrig was. Unlike Cal Ripken, Gehrig had a spectacular career that went beyond a consecutive games streak. He had a .340 career average, and a career OPS of 1.079. He was selected for 7 All-Star games (the first 7 ever). He won 2 MVPs, somehow finished 5th in MVP voting when he won the Triple Crown in 1934, is 17th all-time in hitting, 5th all-time in OBP, 3rd all-time in slugging, 10th all-time in runs, 24th all-time in homeruns, 5th all-time in RBI. Had he been given a few more seasons he would have 3,000+ hits and 500+ HR.

How overrated is Cal Ripken? His 11,551 at-bats allowed him to amass solid career numbers. Solid, but not great. His .276 career average dulls his 3,184 hits. His .340 OBP (remember, that’s what Gehrig’s BATTING AVERAGE was) dulls his 1,647 runs. His .447 slugging dulls his 1,695 RBI, and his 431 HR.

I‘m not saying Ripken wasn‘t great or doesn‘t deserve to be in Cooperstown, but he‘s nowhere near the greatest SS of all-time as some “experts“ claimed as he neared retirement. Honus Wagner (a.k.a. Johannes Wagner, another Kraut) had 1,700+ RBI and a .327 career average, folks.

The last straw was the 2001 All-Star Game. Chan Ho Park served up a meatball, Ripken hit a bullshit solo homerun, and was eventually named the game’s MVP. Roger Clemens threw 2 perfect innings but I guess that wasn’t good enough for MVP.



This leads me to another overrated superstar: Brett Favre. Most touchdowns ever, most interceptions ever. A graph of Favre’s yearly QB Rating spikes up and down like the EKG readout of a heart patient watching Scarlet Johansen eating out Jessica Alba. He has no consistency at all.

People talk about Favre as if he’s won more than one Super Bowl. And that game was won by Desmond Howard returning kicks, and the Packers defensive line rattling Drew Bledsoe to throw interceptions.

And how come he gets a free pass on that painkiller addiction? How come all he got was sympathy and not criticism? What if it had been some other kind of drug? What if he had been some other player? And how come when he rolled over and played dead for Michael Strahan, he didn’t get one bit of criticism? How come he gets praised for poor ball control and pass selection? What the fuck does "gunslinger" or "swashbuckler" mean in a football context?

Fittingly, Favre’s last NFL pass may be that retarded interception in overtime against the Giants. I can’t think of a better way for him to end his career.


End rant.