"A 24-year-old man was charged with false imprisonment of his 66-year-old girlfriend following an argument Wednesday. Arrested was Joshua Dan Porter, of 3533 SW 24th Ave., according to the Gainesville Police Department.
An arrest report states that he and his girlfriend got into an argument. The report says she tried to leave the room, and he closed the door on her hand, shoved her down onto the couch, twisted her nose, hit her on the head with couch pillows and forced her to kiss a picture of her dead husband.
She attempted to leave the residence but Porter blocked the door, according to GPD. The situation calmed down and the woman eventually left. Porter was charged with once count of false imprisonment (gainesville.com)."
Before we start. That picture kind of looks like DP, and that just makes this story all the much better.
Anyways, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? I mean if the chick was younger, and hot then at least you could understand why this kid is going all Aston Kutcher, but the fact is no woman that is 66 and is still attractive to 24 year old men. Sorry ladies, it's just the facts.
So, obviously this DP looking mother fucker is fucked up. Then to make sure that everyone knows that he spends his weekends knocking the dust off this old heffer's cootch, he beats her up. This should be a lesson to all our fans. If you're going to do something weird, don't compound the problem by doing something that you know will make headlines in the local paper.
This kid can say it's "true love", and something that happened in the heat of the moment, but the fact is you are banging someone with an AARP card, and then had the balls to kick the shit out of her. Nice job shitdick, if you end up in jail you're not going to make it out.
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