ronnie brown vs kevin durant: I’m Pissed Off At My Fellow Countrymen

Sunday, February 17, 2008

I’m Pissed Off At My Fellow Countrymen

Today is a great day for American sports fans; because it’s the NBA all-star game. It’s a showcase of gravity defying drunks and risky passing attempts which promise to be extremely uncalled for. The greatest basketball players all come together to leave almost 45% of all they got on the court tonight in New Orleans. However, today is also a great day for American sports fans…south of the Mason Dixon Line; because today was the Daytona 500.

The Daytona 500, the pinnacle of NASCAR racing, and the pinnacle example to why everyone hates America. First of all, let me state that I am under the opinion that racing any type of vehicle is a pretty sweet idea. At some point in history some guys said… “Yes, these ‘automobiles’ are convenient…but let’s make them go much faster and see who can win a race around a circle.” Ok, a decent idea, fine.

HOWEVER, I have a problem with the huge fan base that has gathered on behalf of NASCAR. Obviously there are exceptions to this stereotype, but these people represent the armpit of our nation. America is a melting pot of all races, ethnicities, lifestyles, and beliefs; but when one of these groups of people has sex with itself for generations, we have what we see on race weekend. I was born and raised in the Diamond State (Delaware) and to get to our beaches, you have to drive right past Dover Downs; a NASCAR stop numerous times a year. Each time a race is scheduled here, there is a sight to be seen while driving by. In the normally empty field, across the highway from DD, there will be trailers and Winnebago’s as far as the eye can see; these people show up 4-5 days before a race. The best part, is that it seems to me to be nothing more than a race between these people to raise their flags the highest. (I think the highest flag up allows its owner rights to much bragging) BUT STILL, this isn’t a big deal, but what is, is the flag that is flown under the favorite racer flags in about 80% of the cases…..

The god damn “stars and bars”

Are you kidding me? This flag is a symbol for the worst period in our country’s history, a time when more blood was shed on US soil then any war, ever. You want to take pride in how the south went about handling all those issues with slavery and stuff…..word up. But I digress.

NASCAR is a simple, in fact painfully simple concept that actually might not be so painful to watch if SO MANY people were obsessed with it. Actually, I just had a revelation…(The following picture is a dramatization of my revelation… )

…It is because NASCAR’s fanatical fans that I completely hate everything that has to do with NASCAR itself. Fanatical fans of any other sport have no effect on how I feel about the sport itself; shit, I live in New England, and just because I hate just about everything these fanatical fans say about the Patriots, or Red Sox, doesn’t mean that it hurts to watch baseball and football. There is no division within NASCAR, you cant look at a guy and know which driver he’s a fan of…the fact that he’s a fan of any of them is all I need to know. All I have to see is one of those hats with a driver’s number on it, or a damn Ford F-350 with Calvin pissing on a driver’s number, in order to know exactly what type of person I’m dealing with….

The South needs to catch up with the rest of the world. I’m all about traditions, and keeping it old school; but most of the time that’s just with Rap. These people have decided that instead of waking up and changing the way they are perceived by the rest of us, they simply stayed the same and taught their children (nieces and nephews) to be proud of it all.

The South Carolina state capitol has three flags raised today and every day; the first two are the US and their state flag, the third….

What more do I have to say. Oh wait, I know….HEY SOUTH CAROLINA…you fly that flag on your state capital and yet, your citizens decided to vote for a guy in the presidential primaries names Barack Obama.

Incase you didn’t know SC, this pic should fill you in….Barack aint white”

Basically, just wake the fuck up you stagnant, racist, scumbags.

This really doesn’t bother me too much, because I’m really not around it much. And this rant is nothing against the people who aren’t like this; actually I applaud these “normal” people that can coexist with those I have deemed “the others.” NASCAR is the absolute worst, if it wasn’t, it would be accepted by a much more diverse audience. NUFF SAID

Final thought: I am aware amidst all this, that girls with southern accents are quite possibly the most attractive creatures in all of existence. Even girls that aren’t the best looking, can get a boosted rating simply on the incorporation of words like “y’all”. So, to lighten this up, please enjoy these examples I found of girls with a twang you could never resist; both in their voices and in their pants:

Lucy: