ESPN Can Lick My Balls

As you may or may not have heard, Brett Favre has decided to stay retired today. To me this would count as a non-story. A has-been, over the hill former star (and I use the term very loosely here) retired at the end of last season and has decided to stay retired.

To ESPN, this counts as THE BIGGEST FUCKING STORY OF THE PAST 25 YEARS. 40 minutes of an hour long SportsCenter were dedicated to #4. CNN didn't even give the Michael Jackson death this much coverage. In that 40 minutes, we heard from the following "experts" who just could not wait to opine on a situation they really have no value added knowledge on -

Rachel Nichols (LIVE From Brett's front lawn!)
John Clayton
Ed Werder (Whom Brett decided to offer the breaking story to via email, why couldn't he just walk out and tell Rachel?)
Steve Young
Mark Schlereth
Tony Kornheiser
Mike Wilbon
Trey Wingo
Herman Edwards

40 God forsaken minutes of these morons, on top of the two idiot hosts (ok, I like Brian Kenny but not as much now) blubbering on about how Brett just didn't think he could give it his all and the wear and tear of a full season just being too much for his 40 year old body. Enough Already. Fuck.

Oh and in other news, long time NFL Coach Jim Johnson passed away today after a long battle with cancer. He was 68. Just last season, Johnson served as the Philadelphia Eagles Defensive Coordinator, the same job he'd held since the 2000 season.

Where do you think ESPN fit this awful news in during the 6PM live show? We know it wasn't the top story. Favre made sure he got the top story and the next six story slots after that. No, instead, ESPN buried Johnson's passing 20 minutes in and sandwiched it between Michael Phelps getting silver at some event other than the Olympics (who fucking cares) and the Red Sox offering some bullshit insult of a trade package to the Jays for Halladay. Solid work Bristol.

If you didn't care to sit through 19 minutes of Favre knob slobbing you would have missed a the 15 second screen listing some of Johnson's accomplishments. Pretty impressive when you stop to consider the turnover in offensive and defensive coordinators. During his 10 years with Philly, the Eagles were 2nd in sacks and 5th in scoring defense. He helped lead the Eagles to 4 NFC Championship games and saw 26 of his players make it to the Pro Bowl. Not too shabby....unless of course you happen to die on the same day Brett Favre decides to stay retired.